My Must Haves for Fall!!!!!

Okay, if you know me, then you KNOW my favorite season is fall!!!!!! I love it! Always have. I love summer, too, but not quite as much. For some reason it seems like all of my senses are alerted in the fall-- I actually want to be better, read more, write more, cook more, work out more, decorate more, well everything more! Anyways, without any further anticipation, this is my must-haves for fall:

1. Leggings (seriously, LOVE them!)
2. Jeggings (which are really just leggings that are denim, but I will just put them as their own item)
3. A great rasberry colored lipstick/gloss which ever you prefer
4. A great eyeliner (I didn't specify color because I am liking the dark purple's for the blue or green eyes but I wear black a lot, too, so it just depends)
5. Long sweaters or cardigans (to go over the leggings/jeggings, duh)
6. great cami's for layering under those sweaters and cardigans
7. FLANNEL PJ'S! (please, don't wear these in public-- have some class!)
8. Some great reading material! I have several suggestions, if you want I can make a list! Just contact me on facebook or here or whatever.
9. A great pair of black, red and nude heals
10. A great pair of boots
11. If you went to college, or even if you didn't but have a team, must have a great vintage inspired t-shirt to wear to work :)
12. some great nail polish! I am liking the reds, orangy's and greyish purples and MAGENTA/FUSCHIA!
13. A good cookbook (or at least some good recipe's to swap with friends)
14. Scarves! For fall, I like the bamboo cotton ones by etched that I have from last season-- but they are putting the same ones out this season (a local brand!)
15. Some chai tea
16. Hairspray-- static!
17. sorry, but I like spray tans
18. A place to work out, no matter what kind of working out it is
19. some christmas gifts for people so you aren't behind when it rolls around!
20. A gift for me for my birthday in December :) haha
21. and a list of randoms that didnt make the top 20-- a nude lip stick, a great handbag that is fall appropriate, a thermal mug so you don't have to waste your money at starbucks everyday, and if I left anything important out put a comment up with it in it!

Conflicted

Conflicted: my life story, how are we supposed to DECIDE what we want for the rest of our lives? I mean, we don't eat the same food every day or wear the same clothes (this has nothing to do with my husband just my career). How am I supposed to know if I will want to live in Oklahoma forever, and be a City Planner-- FOREVER!! I don't. I have no freakin' clue. This daily realization of how ignorant I am to my own wants and desires is the cause of many panic attacks. I have two books partially written, and I refuse to finish them. It's not so much of a conscious decision as a subliminal decision of "I don't have time" or "I don't like what I wrote" or "what if no one else likes it" and I can go on and on. Quite frankly, both books are VERY funny-- yes, I think I am funny. I have a quirky sense of humor that the masses may not enjoy, i.e. a lot of people take a long time to understand my jokes and etc. I'm 25, which is OLD. Well, the oldest I have ever been (hardeeharhar) and I guess it's time for be to grow a pair and just finish one of the stupid things! In case you are unaware, passion is always shown through name calling (ask my youngest brother). I think that since I write so much at work, I don't want to write when I get home. Problem: I don't get to write what I want to and government grammar may have ruined my creative writing skills. Why the heck does everyone in government want to Cap Every Single Word Like It Is The Beginning Of A Sentence?!? If you are going to go into government, skip comp I and II in college, as well as any writing course BECAUSE YOU WON'T BE NEEDING IT! Back to writing government Staff Reports (see how they cap it!).

Ah, Life

Well, a lot has changed! I have been married eight days! Crazy. I started jogging again last week after I found out my neck was okay... Hopefully I can do the Tulsa Run, but at the bare minimum the 5k... I have friends doing both, so it will be okay either way. Last week was the first week of school which means all leisure reading is gone until December :(. Also, a final on my birthday! Ugh! It's bad enough I have to have a birthday in december, much less a final! It will be worth it one day. Lots of crazy things going on that I can't quite disclose juuuust yet ;). I have a meeting at five, then after that I guess I will go out for a jog and then to Target to exchange my new ipod that was BROKE from the beginning, stupid thing. Maybe I will just duct tape my ipad to my back and jog with that? I am very light headed and am probably not making sense so I am just going to end this right.... NOW.


P.S. YOU CAN'T COPYWRIGHT ANY THING MUCH LESS COPYWRIGHTED.... people

New Life!

Well, I did it, I went and got married yesterday! Yes, that was supposed to sounds slightly hickish. It wasn't a wedding, wedding-- just a couple of witnesses anda piece of paper but it doesn't mean any less to me that way.

Last week was hard. I kind of finally broke, I was sick of being sick and sick of all the tests and different medications, I really didn't think I could take much more. It seems as when you always think that, that the more always comes. I had to make a really hard decission last week, one I have struggled with for years-- but with the help of my new husband I think I have the strength to carry through with it.

It's hard to realize that some people will never change. That some people will never take accountability for their actions. That they will always have an excuse for what they did wrong, but any mistake that anyone else makes is unforgivable. It's hard to believe that people think words speak louder than actions, typing you love me after long e-mails for all the things you hate about me-- just save it and keep it to yourself, I don't need your junk in my head anymore. It may have taken years, but I finally realized the words you say don't mean anything. The scars that were left will heal, and my kids will have a GREAT life. They will laugh and get to play and be kids, and they will be safe and loved and never spoken to like a dog.

As for me, I look forward to the future. I believe my hard work will pay off as it always has, and I am grateful for the life I have now. The old life, well it is just history now. I think this is what peace and security must feel like :).

RANT!

So, as previously stated, I went to the doctor today and they are sending me back the neurosurgeon. I am 25 and have had 7 or 8 surgeries, 5 of which were back surgeries. I work with a woman who has scoliosis pretty badly, and even though she developed it later in her life, we seem to have encountered the same problems and enjoy being able to discuss solutions that are less drastic than removing more organs and etc. Unfortunately for her, she has already had many of her organs removed and the stomach problems I am encountering now I am kind of learning from mistakes she has made. She on the other hand is just learning about the neurological side of it which I have had for as long as I can remember and is learning alternatives from me-- so it is kind of a nice trade. This is what we both are completely befuddled by (and keep in mind we are both ridiculously bubbly people) is that people think that it is no big deal. I would love to see one of the a-holes who has smack to say to either one of us about having to go to the doctor live one year like we have to! Trust me, we both know a lot of people have it a lot worse and we are completely respectful and mindful of this and actually feel blessed to be in as good of shape as we are but at the same time it is frustrating that people can't be a little more understanding. So for those of you who think degenerating vertebrae's, constant migraines, tmj, ear clogging, intestinal problems, ulcers, gall bladder stones, kidney stones, or spinal fusions are fun-- try one and get back to me :).

Ohhh Europe...

It is quickly creeping upon my two year anniversary from my first love affair with Europe, and I miss it so. I loved everything about that crazy, hectic continent! While two weeks is not NEARLY enough time to see Scotland, England and France-- we did our damndest! I miss all the sidewalk cafe's, the people going to and from work, the public transportation (yes, I miss the public transportation), I miss the diversity, the old buildings, the large trees in their numerous parks, the fountains, the stone work, the charcter-- I don't miss the food. If given the opportunity, I would move there in a heartbeat (assuming my quality of life would remain near the same, obviously a huge paycut would not convince me to move-- I would just visit). THEN! YESTERDAY! I got a verbal that my AICP exam information would be approved and I get to take the test to be certified in something other than insanity! THIS COULD BE MY CHANCE TO BREAK OUT OF THIS COUNTRY! Don't get me wrong, I love America-- I just like a lot of places more :). Oh man, the SHOES! Those Europeans know their shoes! Is it so bad that, perhaps, a portion of my quality of life does include shoes? In fact, I have thought about the potential to go abroad and how I would get my shoes over there... I mean some can go but there are A LOT of keepers in the closet! Decisions, decisions.

In other news, I went to the neurologist and she is referring me back to the neurosurgeon that did my back surgery when I was a kid (THANK GOD!)... I have only been trying to get into him for like 2 months and with her referral I am in! This did mean that I did go to the doctor today which means that upon arriving back to work I was treated like a red headed step child (nothing against red heads--okay I lied, I am sorry if you have red hair ~scott, I still love you with your disability). I can't understand why co-workers get sooo upset if you go to the doctor? People have issues.

In other news, tomorrow is payday which is good. I get to take the AICP exam, which is good. I have been asked to serve another two year term on the Executive Board for OKAPA, which I am not sure about haha but okie dokie I guess if there is a need I will do it. I still have yet to finish my paper for summer school, this is not good. John may have to go edit tonight, also not good. I found my fuschia handbag, which is great! Because I work for the government, after 120 payments on student loans the government will pay the rest back! That is awesome!

And now for the picture of the day! I will stick with the European theme-- My grandmother and I, in Paris, in front of Moulin Rouge!

Seriously...

How many things can go wrong at once?! I checked the status of my AICP application today-- it was received, but my undergrad university sent the graduate transcript, not the undgrad transcript. My common sense would tell me "hmm the person is clearly in grad school, this means they did, in fact, complete undergraduate" but no that is not how society works anymore. NO COMMON SENSE! Being a strong believer in survival of the fittest and darwinism and etc... I just feel like everyone is getting dumber by the day-- and this could very well include myself but I am just so dumb I don't even know it yet.

To even further complications, in my Shape magazine this month,all the models are fatter than me-- way to motivate me to get off my ass. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the honesty, but that isn't why I bought the magazine. If I wanted some hardcore honestly I could have just logged on and checked the U.S. defecit and started planning my escape to Canada or Austrailia where they do absolutely nothing and it seems to work out for them. In fact, while in Europe and Australian was mocking America (while I understand as Bushwacker was president and the whole economy basically fell into a huge hole that my generation won't even be able to climb it's way back out of)... but at the same time it is like what the hell did you ever do? I asked in more polite terms, he was a car salesman-- maybe mediocrity is the cure? I mean if the classical philosophers are correct and happiness, does indeed, lie in moderation then maybe we should only be moderately successful. Okay, who I am kidding-- that won't work for my life but hopefully it helped someone.

Then last night, while discussing our wedding, my fiance is like let's just elope blah blah blah. I AM INDECISIVE DO NOT GIVE ME MORE OPTIONS! I don't think people understand my personality... I try way to hard to be perfect thus fail completely but the attempt is still exhausting so if you put a million options in front of me the only result will be a nervous breakdown. BOTTOM LINE: There will be a wedding, we decided and I am too tired to keep going back and forth on the issue, the end :) Love you!

I also currently have two cell phones-- I hate AT&T and will be aborting their cause as soon as my contract is up, until then, two cell phones. This is also complicated because how many phones can a girl have in her office?!

Good news, I get to keep my gall bladder I found out. Just take some medicine, actually eat three times a day, and chill out and I should be fine. Seems reasonable, but I am worried about the chilling out part. As much as I wish I had that hippie-chic attitude, I just don't.

I am reading a book called Lost Girls, it makes escaping life and traveling the world sound like a great idea. Unfortunately, I own things that force me to stay state side for at least half of the year. I suppose that is another perk of NY, you can't afford anything so you can just up and leave anytime? I realize that was a statement, but I am really confused why anyone would do that-- but then again I am clearly not normal.

My 33lb cat has taken a liking to sleeping on my head-- this is a problem as he is 1/3 of my body weight and well it is my head. Not to mention he is gnarly-- not really gnarly he is just a boy and boys-- across animal lines-- are just gross :).

Then there is this question of blogging: I still feel nuts that I sit here and write to, quite possibly, no one. It's like journaling but hoping that someone finds it?

NEW PICTURE OF THE DAY ASSUMING THE COMPUTER WORKS ! (Eventually I will load current pics on here-- most of these are six months old or so). This was the Napoli Coast in Kauai and it is more gorgeous in person. It really could have been a better picture, but to be frank the ship mates took a liking to my cousin and I and made sure our wine glasses were filled at all time (although quite a bit of it was spilled on each other due to waves) apparently plenty made it to our mouths because the day (while a blast) is a tad bit of a blur and I didn't even feel getting MAULED by a portoguese man-of-war jellyfish (yes those can kill you). Moral of the story, drink before swimming bc the alcohol slows the venom and peeing is a myth!

Cheers Mates!
LD