Well, I did it, I went and got married yesterday! Yes, that was supposed to sounds slightly hickish. It wasn't a wedding, wedding-- just a couple of witnesses anda piece of paper but it doesn't mean any less to me that way.
Last week was hard. I kind of finally broke, I was sick of being sick and sick of all the tests and different medications, I really didn't think I could take much more. It seems as when you always think that, that the more always comes. I had to make a really hard decission last week, one I have struggled with for years-- but with the help of my new husband I think I have the strength to carry through with it.
It's hard to realize that some people will never change. That some people will never take accountability for their actions. That they will always have an excuse for what they did wrong, but any mistake that anyone else makes is unforgivable. It's hard to believe that people think words speak louder than actions, typing you love me after long e-mails for all the things you hate about me-- just save it and keep it to yourself, I don't need your junk in my head anymore. It may have taken years, but I finally realized the words you say don't mean anything. The scars that were left will heal, and my kids will have a GREAT life. They will laugh and get to play and be kids, and they will be safe and loved and never spoken to like a dog.
As for me, I look forward to the future. I believe my hard work will pay off as it always has, and I am grateful for the life I have now. The old life, well it is just history now. I think this is what peace and security must feel like :).
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